19/11/2009
The New Guy
Earlier this week, I met my new psychiatrist for the first time. I had recently moved back into the Greater Boston Area, two hours away from my previous residence. My previous medication manager was a very capable and sympathetic woman, but she is now too far away for regular visits.
Typical of first appointments, I went through my medical history and any other life events that may have contributed to my present condition. I started with my recent diagnosis with bipolar disorder and traced backwards through the abuse and trauma. When I paused for breath, he leaned back in his seat, seeming to regard me thoughtfully.
“Anxiety?”
He’s good.
I hadn’t even alluded to the panic attacks, but he could infer anxiety from my story. I shouldn’t be surprised. There is much intersection among mental disorders. If you know the different ways they intersect and manifest, then you could recognize one with another easily.
But that single question communicated competence. I am very comfortable in medical settings, having been shuttled among health care professionals since I was sixteen. Most, if not all, of them were good at their jobs. But speaking as a patient, sometimes that extra comment or question is what establishes trust. It’s not just that he inferred anxiety, but that he communicated to me that he did.
Likely, he didn’t think he was doing that. He was just asking after my history, as any good doctor would do. But call me pleasantly surprised. I’ve had to explain myself so often recently, I forgot what it was like to have someone simply understand.
Comments (View) | Text posted at 09:15
18/11/2009
Off-Topic: Bisexual, Too
Bisexuals protest the stereotype that we’re all sluts but I don’t know a single one of us who isn’t.
I’m bisexual and I’m a slut.
But it’s less the stereotype itself than the assumptions made from it. We’re not—or at least I’m not—going to dance the horizontal mambo with anyone and everyone, but I’ve been treated and addressed as if I would. That’s a lack of respect, and in cases where there is physical contact, a violation of personal boundaries.
Then there are the people who get hurt when I decide not to be slutty with them. People forget that even slutty people have agency. That is what’s so annoying.
Comments (View) | 29 notes | via sexartandpolitics | Text posted at 23:16
Coming Back Up
I’m moving into a manic episode. How do I know? Libido is up. I forget to eat. I have excessive energy. I can’t focus. Also, I can’t sleep. I want to sleep, but I can’t drift off because I am always thinking about something. (That is related to my attention impairment. I’m so easily distracted, my mind won’t rest until I am about to collapse.) These changes mean that I will be cutting certain things out of my diet or at least limiting them, because I don’t need to be any more stimulated that I already am.
- Caffeine. This is a hard one, considering that I lived off it when I was writing my term paper. Now I limit myself to one drink a week, but I still don’t feel normal unless I have a cup of coffee in the morning.
- Sugar. I’m especially sensitive to simple sugars right now. No candies or cookies or other desserts. Don’t need a sugar high or crash that would further disrupt my body clock.
- Alcohol. Though not a stimulant, alcohol is not a good idea, because I’m already less inhibited without it. A few drinks could mean some very poor decisions.
These are little things but they help so much. What I need most now is sleep, and anything that prevents me from getting some is getting removed from my life. As always, a consistent schedule and exercise help, and it’s been showing. I’ve moved from 2-4 hours a night to 4-6. If I can manage 6-8, I’ll be happy (and well-rested).
Comments (View) | 1 note | Text posted at 12:11
05/11/2009
Feels Like Monday
I can’t get past the safety lock on my medication bottle today.
I wonder if the world is trying to tell me something.
Comments (View) | Text posted at 09:47
29/10/2009
» Psychiatric Patients Are Not Likely To Be More Violent
Psychiatric disorders are often used as reasons for people’s unusual and unsettling behaviors. But the truth is that having a psychiatric disorder alone does not predict violent behavior. Substance abuse or that in conjunction with psychiatric disorders would be much more reliable indicators.
I receive Google alerts for the keywords “bipolar disorder”, and every day, my inbox is filled with many items about court trials where the defendants are profiled as bipolar and are described very negatively. Having BAD doesn’t excuse you from crimes, but contrary to what these news posts would tell you, it doesn’t make you any more likely to commit them either.
Comments (View) | 1 note | Text posted at 09:24
02/10/2009
Fighting the Meds
Every September in Boston, boxes and moving vans collect by the sidewalk. Old tenets leave their unwanted belongings behind. New ones pick through the discarded items and bring them to their new destination. This past Labor Day I brought my bins and boxes to his place. We were moving in together.
But it didn’t work. When I was there, everything was black. I wasn’t happy. We couldn’t be happy together. We parted due to “irreconcilable differences”. I moved out.
Everything is still black. But there’s some reason now. When deeply committed relationships end, the world is black. And you want to die.
It’s October now. I just checked my pill organizer. The days of the week were printed in bold black letter across the colored boxes. Only Sunday was empty. I hadn’t taken my pills for weeks. I don’t remember which Sunday that was.
Comments (View) | Text posted at 15:09
26/08/2009
“The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die.”
— Senator Ted Kennedy
Comments (View) | 18 notes | via bunnynico | Text posted at 09:30
This is the front page of the Boston Globe website today. Here in Boston, you can feel the entire city mourning.
RIP, Ted Kennedy.
Comments (View) | 2 notes | Text posted at 09:29
21/08/2009
At a town hall meeting in Massachusetts, a woman asks Rep. Barney Frank why he is supporting a “Nazi” health policy. The best part? Frank is Jewish. I wonder if the woman knew that before she popped the question.
Comments (View) | 16 notes | via awomansplace | Text posted at 11:51
» Unconventional Donut Shop Changes Controversial Names For Doughnuts
A doughnut shop in California, called Psycho Donuts, drew attention from mental health adovcacy groups for its unusual theme. “Psycho” is a derogatory term towards those with mental illness, and two of the doughnuts have very controversial names. While most of the confectionaries only have unusual names, such as “Mellow Submarine” or “Desserted Island”, two are called “Bipolar” and “Massive Head Injury”. After a month of controversy, owner Jordan Zweigoron last week changed the names of the two doughnuts to “Mood Swing” and “Headbanger”, and added links to mental health advocacy groups on the website. Zweigoron says that he has “no intention of hurting anyone” but still wants to be the “most unusual doughnut shop on the planet”.
While the changes show a step forward, the name of the shop is still “Psycho Donuts”, continuing the association of mental illness with abnormality, the uncontrollable, the crazy. This is a type of Othering, even in the attempt to add a positive spin. Having a mental illness is not at all sugar and cream. It’s very difficult. It’s very real.
Comments (View) | 1 note | Text posted at 11:14